You ever just sit around and think about Anderson Cooper? I did recently when I saw the shocking news that the CNN anchor turns out to be…GAY! Who saw that one coming? Later on, following his first announcement, Andy also came out as a body double for Casper the ghost, revealed that he was skinny, and turned folks on to the fact that he does not now, nor ever will, dye his hair white. Hot damn! Slow news day, anyone?
Anderson Cooper is a gay homosexual man
In related news, a rash of other celebrities have come out with their own startling revelations:
- Rush Limbaugh came out as a fat, deaf, drug-addicted hypocritical asshole who looks like a blubbery Mister Potato-Head.
- Larry King came out as a mummy and as “in all honesty dead for quite a while now.”
- George Burns came out as NOT dead, just really needing to take a break from all the touring and chain cigar-smoking.
- Tom Cruise came out as a gay, couch-jumping, big-toothed nut-job/compulsive giggler. (Please don’t kill me, Tom Cruise. I have a kid.)
- George Bush came out as Curious George, the Retarded Warmongering Monkey.
- Snooki came out as an alcoholic, rage-prone slut with a brain the size and consistency of a wasabi pea.
- Barack Obama came out as African… African-American, that is — motherfucker!
Can’t wait to hear more shocking news. Which reminds me, I think I’ll use this opportunity to come out as a whiskey-drinking mother-humpin’ redneck with scant tolerance for bigoted, Nazi-loving donkey-humpers. Kill the haters before they hate again! Hot damn!
What do you guys reckon? Heard any other juicy celeb revelations? Let me know in the comments section. I’m always looking for a scoop.