Clayton Diggs

(Editor’s warning: Clicking on links is likely to lead you to some insanely disturbing shit)

On Sunday, June 3rd, Police in China beat the damn hell out of a group of peaceful demonstrators to celebrate the glorious and wildly misunderstood Tiananmen Square bloodbath.

The demonstrators, you see, were marking the 23rd anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre. The massacre took place back in 1989  when Chinese Government People’s Liberation soldiers stormed the square and opened fire on demonstrators, including unarmed Chinese men, women, and kids, killing and maiming thousands of them. The bodies of the innocent hit the ground like a gentle rain in spring. A good time was had by almost everyone but especially by the police.

Said small-dicked Police Chief Hung Not-well: “It was so much fun killing everyone in 1989 that we just thought we should do it again.” Then, reconsidering, Not-well qualified, “Yeah, we haven’t killed anyone this time, just beat them stupid and bloody and threatened to kill them. But hey, the day is young!  I just I love the smell of human rights violations in the morning.  It smells like feces.”

I love the smell of human rights violations in the morning.  It smells like feces.

The June 3rd peaceful demonstrators voiced similar feelings of joy, exultation, and national pride. Said an adorable Chinese child with a broken arm and bloodied face: “I was too young for the original massacre, so it’s awesome to be able to be beaten almost to death and really feel like I’m a part of something. I’m only disappointed that the pigs didn’t open fire on us like my dad said they might. I was really hoping they would spray my guts all over the square like in 1989.”

The child’s father, a short man with a broken nose and smashed teeth, agreed: “Nothing is more festive than seeing the  blood and guts of innocent children. After all, the Chinese flag is red, you know? And if you take into account the fear-induced urine that mingles with the blood, you get the whole package. It is truly glorious and inspiring.”

Chief Hung Too-small-to-see-with-the-naked-fucking-eye chimed in by sliding the bolt on his assault rifle, saying: “Let’s really get this party started!”

We can only hope that next year’s Tiananmen anniversary measures up to this year’s. You really have to give it to dickless, fuckbag Chinese Supreme Leader Hu Jintao: that worthless piece of muskrat shit really knows how to throw a party. We here in the good ol’ US of A have got a thing or two to learn about how to dance the funky chicken but good.  Hot damn!

“I am Supreme Leader of China, Hu Jintao. I am a child-rapist.”