Clayton Diggs

You ever sit around and think about slapping a reporter? Will Smith did recently when he was doing red carpet interviews in the Ukraine for the premiere of “Men in Black 3.” Seems he didn’t like it overmuch when a reporter tried to kiss him, but to be fair to the confused Ukrainian dude, he thought he was at the premiere of another movie that was opening nearby: “Men in Pink 3: Revenge of the Intergalactic Anuses.”

The kissing reporter is a guy from Ukranian channel 1+1 and his name is Vitali Serdiuk. Seems he told Will Smith right before the kiss that “ it is Vitali that I ser your diuk,” and the Fresh Prince decided to drop a beat on Vitali like it was 1992. It went down like this:

Vitali: “Hello, Will Smith. I great fan”

Will: “Thanks man. You kind of smell like potatoes and vodka.”

Vitali: “It is vitali that I ser your diuk.”

Will: “Say what?”

Vitali: “I kiss you now, my Fresh Prince.”

Will:”C’mon man, what the hell is your problem buddy? I’m manly. Watch how I slap you lightly with the back of my hand like a little girl.”

Vitali: “I like your little slap, playful American-African sex god.”

Will: “He’s lucky I didn’t sucker punch him. I didn’t enjoy that even a little bit.”

Random Urkanian reporter: “Will, how you explain erection in pants?”

Will: “Um.  Dance like a butterfly, sting like a bee?”

(Vitali Serdiuk is the same dude who gave Madonna a bouquet of hydrangeas a while back and that charming platinum retarded female dog thought it would be cool if she ditched them under a table by way of saying thanks.)

Anyway, looks like, for the world’s goofiest looking Mohamed Ali impersonator, channel 1+1 doesn’t = Vitali+Will. Maybe Vitali can give Madonna a call, give it another shot with the world’s lamest MILF. As for me, you’ll find me laughing my ass off, getting drunk on my damn porch, hoping a raccoon stops by to offer me hydrangeas or tries to kiss me… so I can shoot him. Yeehah!

Will Smith: “Feel the wrath of the back of my baby-soft hand.”