Ipads, Converters, and Whores

by claytondiggs

You ever just sit around and think about how technology doesn’t work for you but instead technology makes you its damn whore? I did recently, when I got the damn fool idea of buying an iPad. Now, first off, I’d much appreciate it if nobody reading this would tell anyone where I live about this, ‘cause I’m likely to get tarred and feathered and called a queer (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and maybe worse. In my neck of the wood an iPad is what a woman wears when she’s in a mood.

Thing of it is, I love the damn thing and I can’t stop buying shit on it. It’s too easy to get on the App Store and get free crap like kids’ books and quizzes and how-to-make-a-homemade-still-apps and how-to-put-arsenic-into-your-asshole-neighbor’s-water-supply apps and so on. It’s some crazy shit! I mean, seriously, I’m up all night throwing down juleps and looking up drink recipes and making drinks and throwing down juleps and then the damn sun comes up. What the hell? You know?

Recently somebody gave a real nice book of drink recipes, thick, glossy pictures and all that good stuff. Only trouble was, thing was written in You-Rope and all the drinks were in metric. Like, I wanted to make a Cadillac Margarita but what the hell is 200ml of lime juice? Then I thought about my iPad and all those damn apps and wouldn’t you know it, it’s three in the morning and I’m buying a universal Converter! from http://www.PinchMultimedia.com and converting mls to ounces and making a Cadillac Margarita (and hey, if you boys at Pinch wanna pay be for saying this shit I won’t say no) and by the way, 200ml is 2 damn ounces, you You-Ropean freaks! What’s wrong with folks? So I made the drink and then I got to screwing around with the Converter! and it converts like 400 different things and then I passed out and woke up on the ground with a cat licking my face.

The other thing about the iPad is my kid loves it. He’s like just barely a year and a half and already he’s unlocking the thing himself and starting up his favorite books, turning pages, laughing like the cute little fool that he is. Man, I hate to say it, but I LOVE this damn gadget. Anything that makes my kid happy and might be better for him than the TV is okay by me. Only trouble is, way things are going, junior’s college fund is gonna get spent on cool apps. What are you gonna do? You gotta have priorities, you know? Yeehah!

“Okay, Mister. Just leave the iPad on the dresser.”